When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
