It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
