Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
