I wannas sexs uuuuu
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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