don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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