Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
