Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
