So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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