I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
