this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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