she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize