i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
