im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did I show you my penis last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
