Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
