i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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