I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
