i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
where does the pee come out of this thing
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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