so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
