My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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