I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
