i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
