I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
