Can Purell be used as lube?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
