Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
