dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
