why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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