I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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