In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
