wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
