she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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