All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
