The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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