Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am naked and annoyed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
