I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
