I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
