There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
