Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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