Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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