So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
