You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
