3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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