I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
