I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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