Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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