Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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