Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
