I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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