I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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