Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
