where does the pee come out of this thing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
