i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
