I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want a musical about memes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
