i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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