that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
