At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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